Stuart Diamond’s Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World
Negotiation Strategies: Tips for Establishing Connection and Optimizing Results
Series: Part 7
Books on negotiation come and go, but occasionally one introduces new, meaningful, and useful recommendations for achieving successful negotiations. Getting More is such a book. In it, Stuart Diamond, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and Wharton School professor, offers a fresh perspective on negotiation that diverges significantly from traditional hard-bargaining approaches. His methods are grounded in human psychology and practical application, providing valuable insights for anyone looking to improve their negotiation skills, whether in business, personal relationships, or everyday interactions.
The foundational premise of his book is best summed up by the following quote:
The best negotiators are problem-solvers. They find new, creative, and better ways to solve both their problems and the other people’s problems. They turn problems into opportunities more often than most people do. And that is the key to negotiation success. Because you can’t meet your goals, unless you can identify and solve the specific problems standing in the way. (Getting More, p. 159).
The Philosophy Behind Getting More
Getting More emphasizes the importance of collaboration, empathy, and understanding over aggression, dominance, and power. In Diamond’s own words, “emotions and perceptions are far more important than power and logic in dealing with others.” (Getting More, p. 5). In other words, negotiation is not about winning at the expense of the other party but about finding ways for all parties to achieve more than they would have otherwise.
An important element of this philosophy is Diamond’s concept of “emotional payments”:
“…[S]omething that makes the other party feel better: empathy, an apology, a concession.… An emotional payment is almost always something that provides a solution to an irrational need.” (Getting More, p. 50).
Since unchecked emotions often prevent people from clearly hearing and rationally concentrating on your positions (e.g., blind rage), an effective negotiator must use emotional payments to address the emotional needs and concerns of the other party, calming them down, letting them think, and ultimately leading to better outcomes.
The Four Principles of Effective Negotiation
Diamond applies four key principles to present his case for Getting More:
1. People Are Irrational: It is crucial to recognize that emotions and irrational behaviors often drive decisions. How many times have you commenced a negotiation fully prepared and in good faith, only to have it surprisingly devolve into a pitched battle, with emotions and positions getting ever sharp and divisive? Or feel that you have fully evaluated the potential settlement range of a dispute and respectfully discussed the issues with your counterparty, only to have them return with an “offer” far above or below your informed expectations? Most likely, these unexpected, extreme reactions result from emotional or irrational concerns of the other side, concerns which must be identified and addressed. Diamond stresses the importance of understanding these emotional drivers and leveraging them to find mutually beneficial solutions.
2. Perceptions Are Everything: What matters in negotiation is not the objective reality but the perceptions of the parties involved. Throughout the book, Diamond refers to these perceptions as “the pictures in your opponent’s head.”
[In negotiations,] [m]ost people start with the facts.… But neither facts nor rationality speaks to most of the people in the world. Rather, we need to start at the beginning: is the other person even ready to listen to me? To know that you have to understand the pictures in their heads: their perceptions and feelings, how they view you and the rest of the world. If you don’t, you don’t have a starting point. You’re just walking around in the dark. (Getting more, P. 62).
3.Value of Intangibles: Beyond tangible outcomes, intangible factors like trust, respect, and relationship building play a critical role in successful negotiations. Diamond underscores the need to prioritize these intangibles. Take, for example, trust:
“The major component of trust is honesty – being straight with people. Trust does not mean that both sides agree with each other or are always pleasant to each other. It does mean, however, that the parties believe each other. Your credibility…is the most important negotiation tool you have.” (Getting More, p. 47-48).
Respect and relationship building are equally important. I always say, “you can be hard on the issues, but not on the people.” Diamond concurs with this philosophy. His book is full of anecdotes where a disintegrating negotiation is saved when one party consciously decides to show respect for the other side and spend meaningful, non-transactional moments with them (e. g., going to lunch, going to dinner) to get to know them better. Treating people with respect and getting to know them better are key pillars to a successful negotiation.
4. Standards and Fairness: in my opinion, this is perhaps the most important aspect of Diamond’s book. People are more likely to agree to terms they perceive as fair, especially if those terms mirror expressly stated or objectively applied standards by which those people or organizations operate. If your counterparty’s website, brochure or social media platform lauds certain operational guidelines, rules, or standards – or if there is a third party expert whose standards they follow – how could your counterparty possibly object if you point out that they are not following such standards by taking a particular position in your negotiation?
Let me give you a real life example (the names and some circumstances are changed to protect confidentiality): Recently, I was working on behalf of an organization, trying to complete a much needed agreement with the other side, which was represented by a senior lawyer from a well-known firm. We promptly drafted and sent our agreement to the other side but, for some unexplained reason, the lawyer sat on it for weeks. Despite continued follow-ups, we received no response. When the delay hit six weeks, I decided to review the firm’s website to identify their operating standards. Lo and behold, in the business lawyers’ section, I found the following: “Our business lawyers, well-trained and qualified to understand and address any issues, work diligently to promptly bring important transactions to conclusion.”
In my next communication, I asked the lawyer the following question: “Please explain how your failure to respond to our draft of an important agreement for over a month and a half satisfies your firm’s stated standard to ‘work diligently to promptly bring important transactions to conclusion’”? Within a week, we received their comments and closed the deal.
In this way, using objective standards and benchmarks can help establish a sense of fairness and move people to honor their own or an outside expert’s guidelines. Instead of trying to force them to respond properly, this tactic requires them to live by their own, agreed, and obviously fair standards.
Practical Techniques for Getting More
In his book, Diamond offers practical techniques one can apply across various negotiation scenarios. Some of the most successful include:
- Trade Items of Unequal Value: Especially in the early stages of a negotiation, it helps to be able to make concessions that are of low cost to you but more valuable to the other side. These exchanges pay dividends in many ways:
All parties value things differently, and often unequally. Once you find out what they are, you can trade them. In the process, you will get what you consider valuable things for yourself. In exchange, you can give up things that have relatively little value to you. Trading items of unequal value will cause the overall number or value of items in the negotiation to rise, making more available for all. The other party will become less price-sensitive, the relationship will get better, trust will be higher, and your own value to the other party will increase…[.] (Getting More, p. 113).
- Find the Decision-Maker: Often, negotiations stall because one is dealing with someone who lacks the authority to make decisions. Identifying and engaging with the true decision-maker can “cut out the middleman” and streamline the process.
- Focus on Their Needs: Instead of pushing your agenda, focus on understanding and addressing the needs of the other party. This approach can help build rapport and lead to more favorable outcomes.
- Use the Power of Silence: Silence can be a powerful tool in negotiation. It creates space for the other party to think and often leads them to offer more information or better terms. Think about what happens when you enter an elevator with one other person. As the elevator slowly goes up, pressure builds for someone to say something, anything, to break the silence. The same condition applies to using silence in negotiations.
Real-World Applications
Getting More provides a plethora of real-world applications. Diamond provides numerous examples from business, politics, and everyday life to illustrate his principles (his methods helped resolve a major labor dispute, facilitated diplomatic negotiations, and even improved relationships between parents and children).
Insurance Negotiations
Diamond includes several examples of insurance negotiations that highlight the effectiveness of his techniques:
1. Claim Negotiations: Diamond discusses how a claimant was negotiating with an insurance company over a disputed claim. Instead of becoming confrontational, the claimant focused on understanding the adjuster’s constraints and pressures. By expressing empathy about the adjuster’s workload, he created a more collaborative atmosphere. He then provided additional documentation and reframed the conversation around fairness and the desire for a mutually acceptable resolution. As a result, the adjuster reconsidered the claim and ultimately offered a settlement that satisfied both parties.
2. Premium Reductions: In another example, Diamond describes how a small business owner successfully negotiated lower insurance premiums. The owner did thorough research and gave the insurer data showing lower claims rates and improved safety measures implemented in their business. By presenting this in a respectful and non-confrontational manner and emphasizing the long-term business relationship and potential for future growth, the business owner persuaded the insurer to offer a significant discount on premiums. This approach not only saved money but also strengthened the relationship with the insurer.
3. Health Insurance Benefits: Diamond also recounts the story of an employee negotiating for better health insurance benefits during a job offer. Instead of demanding specific benefits upfront, the employee asked detailed questions about the company’s health insurance policies and expressed genuine interest in understanding the options available. By being flexible and willing to explore different possibilities, the employee identified a plan that better suited their needs without additional cost to the employer. This negotiation resulted in a win-win: the employee felt valued and the employer managed to stay within budget.
Conclusion
Stuart Diamond’s Getting More is more than just a book on negotiation; it is a guide to understanding human behavior and building better relationships. By shifting the focus from winning at all costs to achieving mutual gains, Diamond offers a blueprint for more effective and fulfilling negotiations in all areas of life. Whether you are a business professional, a diplomat, a parent, or simply someone looking to improve your everyday interactions, Getting More offers invaluable insights and practical tools to help you achieve your goals.
